Where did you go, my lovely words? All jumbled and stuffed into my head for no good reason at all and making me crazy at the same time. Why haven't you spilled out onto a page of late or out into this sphere you called home for so long? Come back, come back and to the earth you shall plummet and plop and drip sticky-sweet all over, so my mind will stop oozing and my thoughts will be mine again.
And rather than daydream about blogging, I will actually write tippity-tap as fast as I can--which is much faster than I can put pen to paper, though ink is still best for slow, deliberate beautiful thoughts.
I have been dreaming of snakes for several weeks now. Finding them in the grass, accidentally picking them up, having them wrap around me or wriggle between my feet. I even dreamt a cobra cornered me and sunk its fangs into my arm.
I've been traveling of late to Boerne with family and to parts North with my love and I am all discombobulated by the desire to be somewhere else. I have two more trips planned in June, but will all this running around just WHEN will I get the cats to their adoption days?
And the house still isn't on the market and days are slipping by as quickly as the ones that came before and I am still in this holding pattern and the heart wants what the heart wants.
But I've resolved to regain some structure, to work on my strength of body and mind again, and lead by example if I can. I feel better taking responsibility for that. I fear loving a man who dislikes himself too much to be truly happy, even as he professes his love for me. I've seen that movie, I know how it ends.
And so I scream to shake the demons. I step forward again and hope others will come after me, come with me. Please, please, please come with me.
[this is good] So many beautiful, complicated emotions and thoughts in here.
Posted by: electric firefly | 06/10/2010 at 11:55 AM